


Everyone I Work With Shares One Brain Cell, and Other Concerns

by kenzz_95



Series: Trektober 2020 [22]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: ...Kinda, Bones thinks everyone he works with may be an idiot, Cameos from the rest of the crew - Freeform, Established Relationship, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27137083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenzz_95/pseuds/kenzz_95
Summary: For the first three months of their relationship, Leonard and Jim have kept it quiet, figuring the crew would put the pieces together on their own. They do not, so eventually the pair just decides to stop hiding anything but the crew just keeps acting like it's all normal, even though the captain and CMO are holding hands and kissing now. Leonard is concerned about what this says about the intelligence of their friends.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Series: Trektober 2020 [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948633
Comments: 10
Kudos: 94
Collections: Trektober 2020





	Everyone I Work With Shares One Brain Cell, and Other Concerns

**Author's Note:**

> Trektober Day 22: Secret Relationship
> 
> Oh look, I'm writing my own universe out of order! Sue me.
> 
> This is actually set between parts 2 and 3 of this series, but can stand alone really easily.

This, Leonard figured, was beginning to get ridiculous. It had been three months,  _ three months _ , since he and Jim had gotten trapped in a cave overnight and confessed their feelings for each other. Three months since the undoubtedly “I’ve been friends with Jim Kirk for five years” influenced idea he’d had of seeing how long it took the rest of the crew to figure out they were dating now. The Enterprise senior staff was composed of a bunch of smart, observant, and goddamn nosy people so Leonard really had thought they would last like a week at most. Instead, he was three months into secretly dating his best friend and nobody had said a single word about it. And he was getting sick of it. It wasn’t so much that he wanted that much to change, it wasn’t like they were going to make out on the bridge or something. Leonard wasn’t too into PDA himself and Jim was very much against doing anything while on shift that would make the crew at all uncomfortable, so not too much would change once everyone knew they were together. He just wanted to be able to hold his boyfriend’s hand at dinner in the mess or maybe,  _ maybe _ give him a quick kiss before he went off on an away mission. Nothing scandalous, nothing at all like what they’d been doing in their private time lately, just real elementary school stuff that Leonard found himself craving regardless. There was just one problem and that was that he and Jim had tied this to a bet and they were both stubborn sons of bitches through and through. Neither wanted to lose. Originally it had been on how long it would take the crew to find them out, but they’d overshot both their bets by a long shot so now it was more about when, where, and who would find them out. Jim wasn’t about to back down, and Leonard certainly wasn’t either, but they had to do  _ something _ about this or it may go on forever. He just didn’t know what yet.

“So, how long’re we gonna do this for?” he finally asked Jim one night as they were lying together in Jim’s bed. He didn’t realize how that could be misinterpreted until Jim tensed and sat up, causing Leonard’s head to slide off his chest where it was resting.

“I don’t think most people usually put end dates on relationships, Bones.” Jim’s voice was tense and Leonard almost had to laugh, but he knew it wouldn’t be helpful.

“I love you, dumbass,” he rolled his eyes, sitting up as well, “That ain’t what I was talkin’ about.

“Oh, right…” Jim looked a little sheepish but quickly recovered, “So what were you talking about?”

“This whole business where we try to let the crew figure out that we’re together now. It’s been three damn months, Jim.”

“Is this you giving up?”

Jim’s eyes were sparkly and bright now. The kid could switch moods so fast it was sometimes exhausting just watching it. But he was glad his boyfriend felt comfortable expressing and showing his emotions when they were together, so it really was only a good thing, especially given Jim’s past.

“This is  _ not _ me giving up. I’m just gettin’ real sick of sneaking around all the time. I can’t believe nobody’s figured it out yet.”

“Spock knows, actually.”

“What? Are you kidding me? You told him?” God, he couldn’t believe that  _ Spock _ of all people knew.

“No, I didn’t tell him! Me blabbing is very firmly a win in your column, no way. He was over here playing chest last week and he found one of your uniform shirts stuck in between a couch cushion.”

“Oh, that’s where that went,” Leonard mused. He’d been looking for that for a few weeks. “God, I can’t believe  _ Spock _ of all people stumbled onto evidence of us hastily fucking on the couch. This may be my nightmare.”

“Yeah, well, Spock’s the only one on this ship who isn’t a total gossip, so I doubt it’s actually gotten out yet. And he’d sooner die than bring it up. It’s not like he’s gonna confront you about it.”

“Which brings us back to my original question. How long’re we gonna keep doing this for?”

“Well, I’m not giving up.”

Leonard groaned and leaned his head back against the wall, “This is getting absurd. I feel like we’re self-sabotaging.” 

“How so?” Jim asked.

“Are you  _ happy _ with the way things are now, Jim? Is this secrecy thing really the way you want us to spend our whole relationship? Because I for one wouldn’t mind being able to go on a date with my goddamn boyfriend somewhere that isn’t our quarters.”

“Okay, yeah, so do I,” Jim admitted, slumping down and leaning his head on Leonard’s shoulder. “I thought they would’ve figured it out by now.”

“So we’re just doing something we don’t want to all because we’re too stubborn to give up goddamn bragging rights, then?”   
“Are we allowed to just call the bet off then?” Jim asked and Leonard shrugged,

“Don’t see why not. It’s just us anyways. And this way, nobody wins. Neither of us bet on us just giving up.”

“Okay,” Jim agreed, “Bet’s off, secret’s out. Starting tomorrow we’ll just do whatever we want. I’m assuming you don’t want to make some sort of announcement?”

“God no. That’s so uncomfortable. The crew aren’t complete dumbasses…”   
“Wait!” Jim interrupted him, “Let me mark your words on that one for next time you complain that everyone on this ship must share a single brain cell with the way we’re constantly getting ourselves injured. I want to have this on the record.”

“Fuck you.”

“Again? We  _ just _ did that.”

“Infant,” Leonard grumbled and Jim laughed, the always happy and joyful sound that hit him deep inside. Oh, how he loved this man. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been as happy as he’d been the past few months.

“You were saying something about how not everyone on this ship is a dumbass,” Jim prompted, because Leonard had been too busy thinking about how much he loved his best friend turned boyfriend to finish his thought.

“Right,” he nodded, “If they catch us holding hands in the halls they’ll catch on pretty quick. I don’t think we need to make a goddamn shipwide comm about it.”

“Cat’s out of the bag then, to steal a phrase from you.”   


“I don’t think I say that, actually.”

“Really? Sounds like the kind of weird southern bullshit you’d be spouting,” Jim teased and Leonard rolled his eyes, shoved Jim hard on the shoulders, and kissed him deeply.

“You are,” he breathed, then kissed Jim again, “The most obnoxious person I know.”

Jim smiled into his lips, pulling away just long enough to grin, “Don’t know what it says about you that you’re kissing me anyways. Is obnoxious a turn on for you?”

“I just love you, Jim.” Leonard kissed his boyfriend once more then slumped down on top of him, resting his head on Jim’s chest just where it had been before this conversation.

“Love you too, you big softie,” Jim laughed and Leonard flicked him in the arm, though he could hardly deny the accusation. Jim made him feel all warm and golden inside, and it was beautiful and wonderful and soon everyone was going to know, which was a bit scary but mostly exciting. He somehow doubted they’d be all that surprised anyways.

Leonard really needed to stop overestimating the brain cells available on the USS Enterprise, because he was disappointed every time. The morning after he and Jim decided to cut the bullshit and just be upfront about their relationship, they had left Jim’s quarters together and held hands walking to the turbolift. Nobody mentioned that which, fair, they hadn’t seen anyone either of them regularly talked to, but even after Leonard had spent all of lunch with his hand on Jim’s thigh and Jim had given him a quick, very appropriate for work kiss on the cheek as they parted ways again, nobody mentioned anything either. And that had been right in front of several of their friends, including Sulu who was well known for being one of the biggest gossips on a ship full of gossips. They hadn’t even gotten weird or curious looks. And that hadn’t changed when Leonard had kissed Jim quickly before the captain left for an away mission a couple days later, or when a few of them had been hanging around in the rec room and Jim had just plopped right down on Leonard’s lap. And, sure, they weren’t  _ massive _ changes, it wasn’t like they were going at it in a Jefferies tube like some horny recently graduated ensigns, but they weren’t really holding back anymore on the physical contact they wanted and were comfortable with in public ship areas. But nobody had said a word. Not Chapel, who never passed up a chance to tease Leonard, nor Chekov, who didn’t have much of a filter, nor  _ anyone _ . It was weird.

“I’m concerned,” Jim said, about a week into this when they were snuggled together on the couch in Jim’s room watching another bad holo film. Jim had terrible taste in media, in Leonard’s opinion, but he mostly just liked the background noise on nights like this. Leonard was warm and comfortable, happy and content with the million points of casual yet intimate contact between him and his boyfriend. Despite the sex being absolutely, mind-blowingly good - which it was, without a doubt - it was moments like these that were Leonard’s favorite change in their relationship. Okay, fine, Jim was right, he was a bit of a softie in a relationship.

“What’re you concerned about, darlin’?” he asked, rubbing at Jim’s neck with his thumb, soft and gentle.

“Jesus Christ,” Jim breathed, tensing slightly.

“I love you. Sit in that,” Leonard reminded him. Occasionally Jim got a bit overwhelmed with raw displays of big emotions. He’d explained it once, a little. Something about never thinking he’d be loved like this, not used to being touched and talked to with only softness, warmth, and love. He thought that Bones couldn’t possibly actually  _ feel _ the level of love and intimacy he was obviously expressing, because he’d never thought he deserved that. He was getting better with time, he’d promise Leonard he’d stop trying to run from feelings that were new to him. Leonard, for his part, was more than willing to wait and hold Jim’s hand through it all.

“Love you, Bones,” Jim whispered, turning his head a little to pull Leonard into a kiss.

“You were explaining to me why you were concerned,” Leonard prompted, breaking off the kiss a few minutes in.

“Right!” Jim said brightly, pulling away to rest his head at the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. “I’m worried everyone on the ship is afraid of me.”

“Uh, okay. And just where did you get that idea from?”

“So, ya know how we stopped hiding that we’re in a relationship now? And nobody’s said a single goddamn thing about it?”

“Yes, I had noticed that. And your conclusion was that this means the crew is afraid of you?” This didn't make much sense to Leonard. Jim knew the names of every single person on the ship, he wasn’t big on formality, and the Enterprise had a bit of a relaxed command structure. It seemed hard to believe that the crew felt comfortable enough with Jim that a random ensign would strike up a conversation with him on the turbolift but his own damn bridge crew wouldn’t inquire about his new relationship.

“They’re afraid to pry into the captain’s personal life. It’s the only explanation I can think of. And I hate it,” Jim explained.

“Okay, but Jim, have you considered my personal theory that everyone on this ship is just incredibly dense?”

“We’ve got some of the brightest minds in Starfleet on this ship!”

“Real shame for Starfleet, ain’t it?” Leonard teased. Jim rolled his eyes. “Look, darlin’, I don’t know what’s been goin’ on, but I’m 100% sure it has nothing to do with your crew being  _ afraid _ of you. Especially the senior staff. They’re our friends. Chapel is a merciless tease, Sulu is mouthy as hell, and Chekov’s never kept a secret in his short life. They’re not afraid of you. They’re just dumb.”

“I’m gonna bring it up at the senior staff briefing tomorrow morning,” Jim decided after a few moments to think. “If that’s okay with you, that is.”

“It’s fine, I suppose, but I thought we’d decided to keep our personal lives out of our professional time a bit more than that.”

“I know. But this is gonna make me insane. I know you think I’m worried about nothing, but if we’re having a culture issue here, that needs to be addressed.”

Leonard nodded and kissed Jim’s temple,

“I’ll follow your lead on this one, kid.”

Leonard would, of course, follow Jim’s lead on pretty much everything, but he didn’t want his boyfriend to get any ideas so he chose to keep that to himself. 

“So, before we get started, a bit of personal business,” Jim announced the following day at the senior staff briefing. Leonard was sitting directly to Jim’s right, in the middle of the table in the conference room, staring into his coffee. He understood why Jim wanted to do this and he was fine with it, but he didn’t like having all the attention be on him and his personal life so he was ready to just get this over with. Jim seemed to realize that and didn’t beat around the bush. “So, McCoy and I are in a relationship. I will now take questions.”

“I’m married,” Sulu volunteered. Jim knit his eyebrows together,

“Yeah, Sulu, we know. We were at your wedding.”

“Oh, sorry, I thought we were just stating obvious facts about our relationship status. Is that not what this is?”

“No, dumbass, he’s tryin’ to tell you something,” Leonard half mumbled into his coffee. Sulu kicked him under the table. They weren’t very professional at these things.

“What? What do you mean ‘obvious facts’?” Jim asked and Uhura shook her head,

“Oh, honey, we’ve known for years.”

“That’s impossible,” Leonard stated.

“You’re really damn obvious,” Scotty piped in, then went back to glaring into his coffee like he was trying to beat Leonard in a competition as to who was the least morning person in the senior crew. Chekov was actually winning that, as it turns out he was asleep. Leonard considered kicking him under the table, but decided against it.

“No, he means that’s impossible because we’ve only been in a relationship for three months,” Jim explained.

Uhura blinked several times, “But you guys were together back at the Academy.”

“He was hooking up with your roommate our last year!” Leonard exclaimed. God, he couldn’t believe he was hearing this. “We were not together at the Academy!”   


“Shit,” Jim cursed under his breath, “Have you all thought we’ve been dating this whole time?”

Everyone just nodded, save for Spock who spoke up for the first time.

“Obviously not, as I was aware of the captain’s other intimate encounters up until the incident with Kahn, and allowing this to continue would not be in line with what I know about Dr. McCoy’s personality. I was under the impression that the two of you had been involved romantically since shortly after Jim was brought back after Kahn. However, the exact details are not my concern, and I am not interested in them.”

“You say that one more time Spock and I’ll gag you with a spoon,” Leonard threatened.

“I do not understand what specifically I said that has made you respond with threats of violence, doctor.”

“‘I was aware of the captain’s other intimate encounters’.” Leonard pulled a face, “I’m gonna gag  _ myself _ .”

“Okay!” Jim clapped once, trying to stop another fight between his CMO and XO before it really got started, even though he found them endlessly entertaining. “Great! Any more questions? No? Good. Great. So, now that I know that none of you are just weirdly afraid to ask about my personal life…”

“No offense, captain, but I don’t even know if 22 year old ensigns are scared of you,” Sulu pointed out. Leonard knew his boyfriend would only think this was a good thing.

“Good to know, Sulu. So, if that’s all, we do actually have work to discuss at this meeting, if someone would please wake Chekov that’d be great.”

As though he’d somehow heard his name - or maybe someone kicked him under the table, Leonard couldn’t be sure - Chekov jerked his head up, blinked a few times, then said,

“I was not sleeping.”

“Well, the meeting is just starting so it’s fine either way, technically,” Jim assured him.

“You did miss gossip though,” Sulu told his friend and Chekov’s eyes lit up but Jim shook his head, blessedly moving the conversation on,

“If we could do this later, that’d be great. So, welcome to Tuesday! As usual, we’re gonna start with departmental updates. Science, you’re up first today.”

Jim briefly caught Leonard’s eye, shooting him a quick smile before turning his attention to whatever Spock was saying. As for Leonard, he leaned back in his chair and sighed. That had been weird, but at least it was over with.


End file.
